The Hills Blog

Hillhead/Jordanhill U18 girls team played in a tournament on a barren wasteland in Grangemouth a wee while ago. It wasn’t exactly a barren wasteland…but it was quite far away from life, and was a bit too windy for my liking. However it is not, apparently, all about me, so I put on all my clothes and waddled out to watch, not before being transported in a tin-can mini-bus with 15 teenage girls, who apparently do squeal, just like on TV, and talk at just the right pitch to echo around the bus of fun. A…fabulous…assault on the senses. I think newsteam might be getting old…
Anyhoo, Coach Lindsey and the most organised person in the world(official TM) Jill, took to the road for the plate/bowl tournament and the girls put on a good show. A couple of girls had their first games and played very well, with the more experienced girls showing them how it was done. There were a few good players in the other two teams, with some weighty experience among them, hehe geddit…weighty? Yeah? No…ok. Maybe you had to be there.

Some special mentions…to Captain for the day for some good running and hard tackling, to the ever-entertaining Dionne for some great work around the breakdown, and good leg drive in her tackling, and some quality banter…to Carmen for her good positioning, strong running with the ball and good support play, to Zoe for her pressure and tackling- greatly improved, very impressed I was too , to Amy who played in her first ever game having been to one training session and played very well, putting in some thumping tackles, and even managing a wee bosh or two. Coach Lindsey taught her well…and to Victoria, who did some good work in the rucks and mauls, clearing the opposition and winning some good ball.
All considered, chosen one of the week went to Karen at scrum-half, ever-present, nippy around the break down, with some great tackling and running. Well done Karen.
Second prize now on offer, on special occassions, you really have to earn this one…is Chump of the week. In it’s second ever week of being up for grabs we already have a double winner, Little Smith (HJRFC Capt.) is again nominated. Let me set the scene…

Hills have scored, everyone returns to their own half in preparation for kick off. Little Smith is panting, cannot stand upright and making her way to the sidelines, in obvious respiratory distress, signalling to be substituted.

The poor First Aider on the sidelines begins to have a quiet internal panic attack.

Sudden respiratory distress, no obvious trauma, no significant history, young adult…I’m no Doctor, but if that happened on ER I’d be shouting “Pneumothorax! Pneumothorax!” at the TV…anyhoo, off she limps, bent over, panting, short of breath…
“I have to come off, I can’t breathe…”

Diagnosis anyone?

“My sports bra’s too tight…”

Chump. Of. The. Week.

So won one, lost one, the girls came second and a good day out was had by all. Well done girlies will keep all of y’all updated with their next outing.

Sunday 8th March saw Hill-Jills take to the road all the way up to grey and gloomy Aberdeen, the ladies soon brightened the day with a ginormous 75-0 victory over the experienced Aberdeenshire Quines team. The beautiful, if slightly hugnover, travelling support made a massive difference on the day, motivating and encouraging the ladies, while reenacting the amateur dramatics performed by the baby-faced referee at every stoppage in play.
The Dawg got her bosh on and severely took care of the Aberdeen winger who kept coming back for more. Sneaking round the side of a scrum she ran into the forearm smash and bounced right back off again. Photographic evidence is available…
No 10 Jules controlled the game releasing the speedy backs and mobile backrow who made the most of possession behind the defence, quickly converting possession into points. And remember what points mean? Points mean prizes! Well…they might mean prizes if we get a squajillion bonus points before the end of the season to boost us to the top of the league.
Jules also cracked open the classic dummy-to-no-one move, always a winner in touch, to cross the line for a few tries of her own. Caroline was solid at scrum half, and remained a little frightening on the bus trip home…but scary in a good way. Honest.
Joanie, now firmly out of retirement was on fire at back row, while newbie Kat put in a few good tackles, Wilko was solid in the contact, and Steph and Manners put in a good shift en route back from injury.
Good team play all round really, showing good shape and consistency in the absence of the internationalists who were absent on 6 Nations duty.
Now to the reeeeeal fun, a trip to Asda, with the bonus of a staff discount card, for some juice for the bus trip home, and on the bus the fun began. With some tunage from Jules dubious iPod playlist, and some singsong fun closer to Glasgow a good time was had by all. A mini bus court saw some punishments for bad behaviour. Some quite unforgivable in the humble opinion of newsteam- such indiscretions will be noted and dealt with at a later date, ahem….Steph and Kat.
Banter continued into the night back at Fortress Hughenden. Was good to see ex-enforcer Gail, and old-coach John on the bus trip, along with regular number one fan Lois.
Next Ladies outing is this Friday night, 27th March, at Fortress Hughenden, KO 1930. Some people say there’s some game on in Maryhill that night, but I heard Hughenden is the place to be. Be there or be square…

Hills took two teams to Cartha on a day full of glorious liquid sunshine and a serious chill factor. In non-rugby news newsteam nearly drowned in mud after aspirating a fair amount from the puddles while struggling up a hill that could well see them crowned Queen of the mountains in a Tour de France stylee, though hills always look bigger from the bottom, and I don’t know that this one would really see me in the running for a Lance Armstrong crown. Time will tell.
In actual rugby news Hills 1st and 2nd XV went home to Hughenden winners, the 1st team winning 20-11 in a game that was almost as exciting as watching the pitter-patter of raindrops in a muddy puddle. That same muddy puddle is where I stood for 2 hours after the game was moved from the first pitch to a roadside quagmire event. Faaaaabulous.
A come-down from the excitement and trials of Meggetland the previous week was evident, but it’s heartening to see the boys sticking in for a decent victory even when not on form. Cartha were nippy and whined, a lot, not so endearing in a big manly rugby man, but it seems to be a major tactic for them. They appeared to rely pretty heavily on their speedy wingers, kicking deep into the Hills half to release them. Kicks were fielded well by the Hills back 3 however, but dealt with less well leading to a fairly mind-numbing, frustrating game of kicking tennis, neither team being able to find touch.
The game was scrappy, and it was a disappointing performance after the previous week’s outing at Boroughmuir, but they won, and that I suppose is what matters…am sure they had a fair amount of pain to look forward to in training for the next few weeks.
Chosen one of the week was withheld for Cartha on account of a lack of talent on display. Instead the inaugural Chump of the week prize will be awarded. This is awarded for an outstanding judgement error by little Smith (HJRFC WAG) who rocked up to Cartha in a fetching pair of white canvas shoes. Now, as a dedicated follower of fashion I’m sure these might have been a good footwear choice for some kind of indoor event, or on a mediterranean boulevard, or even a paved Glasgow street on a dry day…but they would not feature highly in any top 20 list of appropriate footwear for standing in a muddy field, maybe lingering somewhere around the flip-flop/stiletto mark, at the far end of the sensible scale from waders…wet suit boots…wellies…and almost any other shoe imaginable.
So, lessons learned at Cartha:
If you’re going to kick it, make touch, please, for the love of God, make touch. You have no idea the pain you are causing on the sidelines.
If you look out the window and you don’t seem to be in the south of France, or sunny Spain, and you are going to watch some kind of sporting event, remember the girl who went to rugby in white canvas shoes. Take a moment and think before you get dressed.

The long awaited repeat of what can only be described as the highlight of last year’s social calendar. Some people think Jacko coming back is the big news this year. These people have clearly not been to Hughenden. Rarely has such a rich array of talent been concentrated in such a small area, it was quite a treat for the pint-sized crowd that turned out to watch.
There were some late alterations to the program, while other acts appeared to have been rehearsing for many months.
Hughenden has long been known as a melting pot of culture and integration, beautifully demonstrated by both the 1st XV and ladies head coaches who blacked out for the occassion, Kitch in particular doing his bit for political correctness with some free fruit provision for the crowd. Coach Keith took the stage with Mini the Moocher. Word on the street is he has put in hours of practice, and was often to be heard crooning across the hallowed Hughenden turf. He didn’t even need to look at the words…I don’t know if too much effort could be considered in poor taste in an informal, fun, non-competitive event…? Not that newsteam would ever think of suggesting that in his company. Nice shiny white teeth Keith, that shade of foundation really brings them out. Next up a special mention to Stuart Torbett for his fandabulous retro Elton John costume, he was unlucky to miss out on a place for his looky-likey effort, I think Torbett must be a happy sparkly person on the inside…just dying to get out, and Elton John gives him that chance. Ladies contribution was a slightly mixed up Barbie Girl rendition with a short Ken with long blonde hair taking a tall short haired Barbie for a ride. Poor to average, but definite points for bravery.
Poor to average you say? Yes, I did say that, and then out came Take That, and suddenly Barbie Girl sounded like the voice of an angel.
Choirboy Haddon looked a bit like a crazy doctor with his white sheet on, Angels had a rather effeminate torquoise wife-beater to entice the crowd with, while David clearly mis-read the memo and came as some chump out of East-17. Most of the boys seemed to have a fair amount of trouble reading the auto-cue, while some seemed oblivious to it’s existence and clearly thought they were taking part in some gymnastic event where getting on to a barstool and off it again was the major challenge for the night. This they did reasonably well, and appeared pleased with their own performance. Still they all joined in at the chorus, and may get some points for trying, sort of…and definite points for entertainment, in a car-crash entertainment kind of way.
Tonights winner was however…Steven Longwell with an almost tuneful rendition of…Mountains, I think. So well done him. Though I don’t think there was much effort made on the costume front…the bar will be raised for next year.
The hard but fair judging crew this year were Cammy K, Graham Physio and Kenny, who collectively entertained the crowd nearly as much as the performers, distinctly not sitting on the fence for any decisions. None of this niceynice Cheryl Cole rubbish. Make them cry, break them down, make them so ashamed they wish they were mute.
Angels was later to be seen making a quick exit by rolling down the stairs out onto the main pitch. It’s not really a big night till you’ve rolled down some stairs in a torquoise wife-beater.
Newsteam is already a little bit excited about next year…

And on the 7th day…there was to be no resting.
It was a while ago now, but definitely deserves a write up. Sunday 1st March saw Hills 1st XV travel to Meggetland to play Boroughmuir in the cup. At the very same time in a little less exciting place Hills Ladies took on Grangemouth in the Lady Cup.
So the wheels on the bus went round and round and we wound up in Edinburgh, with some nifty driving getting the bus over the teeny wee bridge down to Meggetland.
The day was Christened “No Respect Sunday” by coach Keith, and his chat seemed to do the trick, for a full match report with…details and stuff…see the shiny colourful homepage. The day is mostly a blur for me so I can’t remember much that happened. Mostly it went a little something like this (in a be-bop, hip-hop stylee…)
The bus…anticipation.
Arrive…excitement, fear, and waiting…lots of waiting.
Pre-match chat…oh my word. I want to be one of the chosen ones, I want to play for the badge…good chat. I was ready and raring…and I was only standing on the sidelines.
Warm-up…looking good, excitement.
Game…I think I may have died a little bit of excitement and fear, and general heart failure due to the aforementioned. I think I could feel actual heat coming from Keith with all the stress he was brewing…good travelling support definitely outvoiced the home crowd, if not outnumbering them. The boys were great. All of them, great effort, playing for each other, playing for the team, living up to the potential they always show a glimpse of. The older boys stepped up to the plate, absorbing the pressure, while the youngsters showed what it is that makes Hills special. They far out-played the Borougmuir boys who quickly lost the complacency they came into the game with.
The pack were outstanding in the contact area, quick and ruthless, fighting for everything, Davey was solid and injected a bit of imagination at scrum-half, and put in a fair shift in the breakdown, and the backs were switched on, effective….fabby
Most of the game was spent on the verge of tears, pridefearexcitement tears. The most painful kind. They fought it out till the end, with Boroughmuir finishing un-deserving winners, leaving with the results they’d expected, but certainly hadn’t earned. Hills couldn’t be faulted. The boys done good.
Chosen one of that week goes to Gaffer, who was playing in his 100th game, and scored an interception try.
Special mention to all. To the travelling support, to Keith and his heart-breaking-rousing-reduce-a-grown-man-to-tears team talks….maybe I’m just being a bit of a girl, but they actually really make me cry, to Grant for injecting a bit of calm to ice down the Keithy influence, and to Kenny for being Mr Organised, remembering all the things that everyone else forgets.
Well done, that Sunday was a day to be part of Hillhead/Jordanhill.

In other news across the city the girlies ran out massive winners against Grangemouth, setting them up for what will hopefully be a good run in the cup. They were to be found by the big bus in gathering darkness on the streets of Grangemouth like a group of hoodied yoofs bopping away to some tremendous old school dance choooons played by MC Wilko from her beautiful Wilk-mobile Pearl.

The end.

Sunday sees the return of the ladies to the big pitch after the first two weeks of 6 Nations action.

Retuning to club duty from the Scotland Development Team are Fiona Reardon, Joanie Hutchinson and Hazel Belinski. Unfortunately Lindsey Smith, who captained the side in France was injured and will not be fit for Sunday’s match. Also returning to the fold are Scotland Players Heather Lockhart and Susie Brown. Both played 80mins in a bruising encounter with the French which saw the home side run out 25-12 winners in a pulsating match.

Sunday sees the ladies hosting Kirkcaldy in a critical match which must be won to keep the Hills title dream alive. The Ladies will be fielding a strong team with a back line including Rachael Nicolson, who made a huge impact on the side when she returned to action against Dundee, Julie Craig, who narrowly missed out on selection to the Ireland 6N Squad this year and Margaret Fitzgibbon, whose pace has been missed on the wing. Hills front eight is also shaping up well with former Great Britain Rugby League star Bronwen Scott finding some great form of late on the flank.

The Ladies will also make an appearance at the club on Saturday for the Hughenden’s got Talent, Stars in their X-Factor night hoping to emulate their previous form and 2nd place (ok, it was joint…) finish from last year.

Sunday Ko.2pm

In other news, go have a spy at these rugged manly boys:
http://www.reubenparis.com/hills/index.html

Get yourself some dark glasses and they’ll be that pretty all the time. Just like the lottery we’ve picked some winning numbers:

3 – is that really a scary face? Or are those come to bed eyes…? Don’t know what’s coming at you round the side of a ruck…
11 – I get all the iron I need from eating nails. Don’t get in my way.
12 – auditions now open for the part of “houseboy”…Mascara, check. Curls, check.
21 – Don’t even start. That’s what that face says to me…

And so many more. But quite a few missing, I can think of a few more who’d look good in black and white.

Sunday saw the ladies at home taking on Dundee Uni for the second time this season. Having taken valuable points off Royal High last week the girls are still very much in contention for the title, but can’t discount the smaller teams. With the luxury of subs(not just one…but 4, surely a record for Hill-Jills) this was the perfect chance to give everyone a run around and work on a few moves they’ve been polishing in training.

Good to see people down supporting, I don’t know if “crowd” is exactly the word, but there were a fair few around including the littlest lady fan in her very own quarters, little Miss Abby. The ladies were also looking very fetching back in quarters after a red on red strip clash with Dundee Uni, maybe after a decade of these red ones we’ll go back to the quarters too…

Sunday also saw the return of some handy players with Joanie back out of retirement(forever we’re hoping), Moggs starting on the wing in her comeback from injury, and Rachy Nic coming on at 9 in the second half.

The girls got off to a good start and looked dangerous throughout. It was very exciting, and I forget things when it’s exciting and I don’t have a match report or video to snaffle things from, so here are some potted highlights…

Rucking: we actually looked quite useful in the old ruck, which is quite unusual for HillJills, though I still don’t think anyone knows where the ball is in our rolling mauls, or which direction they’re facing…special mention to Susie Broon who smashed through a few rucks, and HRL who was strong as ever in the contact.

Fandabby running from both our wings Lizzie and Moggs, Lizzie trusting her pace to gas the uni-kids on the outside. And Moggs, flying down the wings, flying through a few tackles on the way to score two on her comeback- which is pretty close to my grand totally number of tries evereverever…I think I’ll come back as a show-pony, get me some glory…

Good work by Steph at 10, and Sarah Canada and Rhianne, our yoooof, in the centres getting the ball moving, making the most of our organisation and superior fitness.

Fifi and Sooooz put in some top tackles in open play, and Dundee Uni really couldn’t get anywhere. Good to see all the girls working as a team, a definite improvement from last season as the squad seems to have a bit more depth and confidence(deep as a puddle you might say, with a mighty 8/9 down at training…but everyone seems to be happier in what they’re doing).

Rachy Nic was back in the driving seat, organising the troops, good to see her back in the middle of the half-time team talk. She seems to see all sorts of things I don’t even notice, think I need to get my game face on…psych up. Maybe next week…

Anyways, well done to all the Laydeeeeees, after a wee smidge of deliberation, but as all agreed on the day, Chosen One (Lady Version) for the week was…..Miss Lindsey Smith. With some classic Bish-bash-bosh, Booooooooom! Sit down! boshing, some good running with the ball and in support, fandabby linking play with Lizzie on the wing, and three tries all to herself she couldn’t really be denied. Yay for Lindsey as the first Lady Chosen One.

The ladies have a wee break before their next game…but will keep updated, they really are worth a wee swatch on a Sunday afternoon.

Saturday saw Irvine welcomed to Glasgow for the second leg of what was quite a tight away fixture. Snow was forecast, and it was pretty chilly, but the pitch was looking good and the game went ahead. A reasonable home crowd was augmented by travelling support the likes of which we don’t often get at Hughenden…

We will set the scene, in this piece the part of WAG must be read in a South African accent for maximum effect:
(Based on a true story, some names may have been changed, no WAG or nice lady came to real harm. Contains mild peril)

3 helpful and lovely HillJills ladies were sat on a bench, layered up to the max, tea in hand, providing snappy banter and welcomes to all those coming to watch. The very reasonable entry rates are advertised on a big white board. Nearing kick off some ladies appeared. These were no ordinary ladies. They flounced round the corner and formed an offensive front, blond hair flapping in a wind tunnel effect, bling-adorned hands blinding us with sun-glare- luckily they were protected with their wrap-around sunglasses- hands very firmly outside their pockets.
The sunglasses were raised to the foreheads. They appeared confused.

Nice Lady: Have you come to watch? Are you students?
WAG: What is this? We do not pay!
Nice Lady: Err…it’s only £2 if you’re a student.
WAG: We do not pay, the club pays for us.
Nice Lady:…what club?
WAG: We are the wives and fiances, the club pays for us. (pays for you to do what…?)
WAG2: We will have to get someone. We do not pay.
WAG: This hasn’t happened before, it’s the first time I’VE had to pay to get in to a rugby game.

The nice ladies stood strong, and they largely paid up, one headstrong WAG fetching an Irvine bufty to pay her £2 entry. It seems it is an entirely different world in Irvine…consider a move boys, they may be near the bottom, but they will buy you a girlfriend.

That brightened my day.

And then to the game, very exciting it was too. An assortment of favourite events: Stuart Ross destroying their No7 in a lineout, Vinnies’s “Boooooom- sit down!” tackle on their porker No 8, the fighting bits- I like the fighting, as long as noone gets properly hurt…

Other notables- I think the front row stood out, they were strong and involved, and mobile in open play. Good bish-bash-bosh running from Vinnie and Dougie, good dynamic rucking from Dougie, lots of good running mauls, and Hazzy was impressive as ever getting the ball moving in the loose, he looks like he was a scrum-half in a former life, and very reliable in the line-out. Also tip-top was Rosey at 8 who stole a few at the lineout and worked hard in the contact. Stuart Ross was back on his tackling form of last season, the kind of tackles that get ooooohs and aaaaahs from the sidelines, making ladies swoon. Some good running from Ally J who looked switched on and keen for the ball. Good lines from RobbieAngelsChingMai who kept the Irvine oldies on the backfoot, and reliable kicking as ever from Gus, and then possibly Michael Martin who came on and showed a bit of spark at the back. On the whole the world disapproves of skinny jeans and pointy shoes, but he makes up for it with good positioning and a bit of creativity.

Thanks go out to the RNIB who kindly supplied a referee for the proeedings.

Lots more happened, an exciting fun-filled afternoon was had. Feel free to comment if you think someone deserves a mention. After having a wee spy at bits of the video Chosen One of the week is…dahdahdah….David Armstrong! He’s always reliable at scrumhalf, gets stuck in and makes things happen, keeping things flowing. I particularly enjoy the wee bouncybouncy thing he does at the back of a ruck deciding which way to go, like an excited little puppy.

C’est ca for this week, next week sees a trip to Ellon where the boys’ll hopefully keep their home-form going. There are unconfirmed reports that Captain Cammy may be back in the fold by next week, will be good to see him back on the pitch.

Oh yes, yes they are. Hillhead/Jordanhill proudly presents it’s Junior Girls section to the world. The girls have been training hard and learning the game for a few months with Lindsey Smith at the helm. It’s not easy starting a team from scratch on your own, so big-up-ma-homie-holler to Lindsey, good job.
The U18 girls took on a well drilled Cumnock side in a hard fought game on a freezing cold Sunday morning on the back pitches at Fortress Hughenden. The girls did well with some good skills on show, some great running, good defence under pressure towards the end and good offload play out of the tackle. The Cumnock girls superior game experience showed through in the end as they ran out winners with some relentless attacking play.
Thanks to Cumnock, the referee, and the vocal support who turned out in the Arctic conditions to support the team.
Well done to all the girls, we’ll keep you posted on future fixtures. Anyone interested (not exactly anyone…female and under 18 are pretty much non-negotiable) can come along to training on a Tuesday, 530-630 at Hughenden.