You are here: Match Reports / Sevens/ Lochaber 3rd May 2008
| Lochaber 7s Result: Beaten Finalists. Precious: Silver medals,a bottle of ruby port, Player of the Tournament Team: Armstrong, Bell, Brown Cahoon, Jamieson, McMillan, Paterson, Rose, Torbett Changes: OUT – Witko and Legendre (absence of UK passport). Walker, Martin and Nash (absence of talent). IN – Bell, Jamieson, McMillan, Paterson and Rose. After a long journey North, Hill’s were immediately thrust into action against their hosts. After a warm-up that consisted of standing around laughing at Stafford’s failed attempt to dye his hair ginger, Hill’s took the game to the opposition, with many players apart from Torbett scoring in an easy victory. Next up were English touring side Quentin ‘B’ whose pre-match preparation consisted of a diet of oysters and lager. Hills matched this by playing keepee uppees and eating Haribo. In a one-sided match many players apart from Torbett scored as Hill’s coasted. Sadly Torbett suffered a suspected ‘black arse’ injury in this match, preventing him playing any further part in the tournament. Further diagnosis revealed Torbett was suffering from ‘South Sea Island Paralysis’, an affliction which causes involuntary relaxation of the sphincter muscle when anticipating a match against Fijian opposition. The final pool match saw Hill’s face Inverness Leisure knowing victory would guarantee a favourable draw in the semis. Hills quickly set about a demolition with many players including Bell scoring. Hills faced Quentin ‘A’ in the semi-final. Paterson was so confident of victory that McMillan was given a rare start. An opening salvo of tries confirmed Hill’s place in the final where they would face the Black Watch’s specialist Fijian 7s squad. Knowing attack to be the best form of defence Hill’s took the game to their South Sea opponents quickly registering the opening try, possibly scored by Rose. Sadly Hill’s were unable to build on this try, conceding three tries before the half time break to trail 19 – 5. Hill’s rallied in the second half against their tiring opponents, enjoying territorial possession for long periods but without scoring until Armstrong crossed late on. Armstrong was awarded player of the tournament for a dynamic performance and Hill’s can reflect on an improved performance from the previous week, with every player apart from Torbett scoring and Stafford taking his number of assists to 57 for the season. With promising young talent like Armstrong, Brown, Stafford and Cahoon on show for the Hill’s, management have every right to be hopeful for the future. Getting down to the serious business of ‘parrtay’ Hill’s set about building Little Hughenden, now in the form of a 10-man tent. Paterson assumed control on the basis that ‘my dad is the President’ a move which delayed construction significantly. A quick court session was convened which saw the whole team punished for their failure to win the tournament. Todd (inept team management), Jamieson (being non-descript), Rose (failure to obtain permission before bring fluff on tour), Armstrong (selfishly winning player of the tournament) and Brown (only able to score at 7s) were the standout fines. After a quick pit-stop at the Lochaber clubhouse the Hill’s juggernaut moved into the town centre, where they attempted to endear themselves to the indigenous population by consuming large amounts of ‘fall down juice’ and illegally procuring Sahara nuts before distributing them in a Robin Hood-esque manner to the assembled masses. To finish the day, a semi-naked rendition of ‘We are Warriors’ was delivered at 2am in Lochaber High Street to an assembled audience of well wishers, before retiring to Little Hughenden for a tour of the new tent. Special thanks must go to our sponsors for their generous support, whether purchasing the tent or simply giving cash to buy beer jackets, it was all very much appreciated. IBBR: Bell awarded Torbett’s barbeque a 3-star rating noting that although the quality was good the speed of production was lacking. Also, the Sunday morning hospitality was magnificent with Bell awarding it 4.5 stars, deducting 0.5 stars only for a lack of tent delivery. Next weekend is going to be tough one, whatever happened in Lochaber 7s. Glasgow City 7s is going to be a different bag of hammers. Footnote The web master has to report ominous signs of potentially inaccurate reporting from the Sevens squad, evidenced by the receipt of the following email from Bell: "Stuart, if my sources are correct Cahoon has attributed a poor breakfast rating at Lochaber to me. This is entirely false, and I would like to state that i thought the breakfast was worthy of 19 stars!! Thankyou and goodnight!! Bell." |